


better

by yueninja



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-29 00:56:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18297158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yueninja/pseuds/yueninja
Summary: 2015: Enter Kyungsoo2019: Enter Kyungsoo again, but this time Baekhyun isready(with a capital R) Ready





	1. 2015

The faint smell of overheated trash permeates the humid, evening air. Up above the stars twinkle weakly down on Baekhyun as he treks up the many concrete stairs in his neighborhood.

Summer in Seoul this year is horrible with temperatures at a record high and the entire city struggling to slog through the heat. The constant sound of overworked air conditioners has lulled Baekhyun to sleep for the past month and he knows that there are still a few more months to go.

He halfheartedly tugs at his tie and unbuttons another two buttons on his sweat-covered work shirt. His blazer is draped across one arm and he wants to just throw it down and leave it on these damned stairs because the fabric is suffocating him, but he can’t because it’s one of his only good blazers.

By the time he’s made it up to his apartment, he’s ready to just collapse in front of the door and stay there. The only reason he doesn’t is because he knows Yixing will panic if he doesn’t come home.

He opens the door with an unceremonious shove and kicks his shoes off, leaving them somewhere on the doormat. They’re going to be worn again tomorrow, so there’s no point in putting them away.

“You’re home,” Yixing says from the living room, sounding far too lively for a Tuesday night. 

“That I am,” Baekhyun replies. He stops in his tracks when he sees an unfamiliar person sitting on the couch next to Yixing. “Hi there.” He couples that with an awkward little wave as he looks to Yixing for an explanation.

“This is Kyungsoo,” Yixing starts, gesturing to the man next to him. He’s smaller than Yixing with a serious look about him. He’s wearing round glasses that do nothing to hide his owlish eyes and he has a tentative smile on his face that makes his mouth look like a heart. “Remember? The friend I told you was going to room with us for a few months?”

Baekhyun doesn’t remember, probably because he’s been spacing out more often than he should, but he nods his head dutifully.

“Hi, I’m Baekhyun,” he says, extending a hand that Kyungsoo shakes firmly. “I’d love to chat, but I really need to take a shower,” he says apologetically, before leaving for the bathroom.

He spends too long standing under the spray of the showerhead and by the time he comes out, Kyungsoo has settled on the couch with a blanket and a pillow, most likely from Yixing.

“Why did you come out to the big city?” Baekhyun asks as he grabs a water bottle from the fridge. He can feel the other’s eyes following him as he looks for leftovers.

“I got an internship at a company I really liked,” Kyungsoo answers. His voice is lower than Baekhyun expects. 

“Oh, exciting,” Baekhyun says, mustering up a smile. “When do you start?”

“Next week.” Kyungsoo adjusts the blanket. “Are you hungry?”

“Hm?” Baekhyun forgot he had the fridge door open. He sets the water bottle down next to him. “No, I’m not that hungry. I just figured I should eat something.” The fridge only has raw ingredients because Yixing insists on eating healthy. “But I think I’m going to go for ice cream.”

“Do you always work this late?” Kyungsoo asks, watching as Baekhyun rummages through the freezer for the vanilla ice cream.

“Not if I can help it,” Baekhyun answers, moving things around so he can see better. “I work in marketing and we’re gearing for a new product launch so things have been a bit hectic lately.”

“I see.” Kyungsoo stands up and shuffles forward. “I can cook something.”

“Wh-no, you don’t have to do that,” Baekhyun says, still unable to find the ice cream. “It’s late. I’ll just eat a big breakfast tomorrow.”

“It’s eight.” Kyungsoo reaches for the fridge handle. “I can cook something,” he repeats. 

“O-okay,” Baekhyun says as the other watches him carefully. “If you really want to, be my guest.”

Kyungsoo grabs a few things from the fridge and within fifteen minutes, Baekhyun has an omelette topped with ketchup lettering reading “Enjoy!”. 

It’s cute, Baekhyun vaguely thinks.

~

“Fuck,” Baekhyun mutters as he staggers into the apartment reeking of alcohol. 

“Ah, another company dinner?” Yixing asks as he helps Baekhyun stumble in.

Baekhyun nods pitifully and clings to the elder. “I can’t feel my face, hyung.”

“Alright, let’s get you changed into something more comfortable, Baek,” Yixing says, rubbing Baekhyun’s back.

“Do you need help?”

Baekhyun jerks his head up and blearily registers Kyungsoo standing up to hook an arm under one of Baekhyun’s arms (right or left? does it matter?) to help Yixing carry him into his bedroom.

“Yeah, just get his pants and shirt off,” Yixing directs as Baekhyun lays on the bed like a scarecrow.

“I hate everyone,” Baekhyun mumbles as Kyungsoo undoes his belt and Yixing unbuttons his shirt. “I want to die.”

“Don’t say that,” Yixing chastises, but there’s a hint of worry as he helps Baekhyun take off his undershirt. 

“But I do,” Baekhyun drawls, tilting his head so that he can watch Kyungsoo take his pants off. “Hey, at least take me out first.” He giggles when Kyungsoo looks back at him with mild concern. “I’m too tired for this shit.”

“Don’t move so much,” Kyungsoo says as he gets back to pulling his pants off. 

“Okay,” Baekhyun agrees, going completely still. This feels better, not moving at all. Is this what being a corpse feels like? Ah, but he can still feel his chest inflating and deflating because he’s still breathing. “I’ll just hold my breath then.”

“What?” Yixing lightly taps his forehead. “Baekhyun, let’s not do that.”

“I want to feel what a corpse feels,” Baekhyun mutters.

“Does this happen a lot?” Kyungsoo asks as Yixing takes Baekhyun’s clothes and throws it into his hamper.

“Yeah,” Yixing sighs. “His superiors force everyone to go out every other week to “celebrate”. He hates the job, but it pays well.”

Kyungsoo hums in assent as he stares at something on Baekhyun. (his crotch? maybe his crotch? oh, maybe his LoL underwear?)

“I can still hear you,” Baekhyun says, staring at them. “I’m drunk, not deaf.”

“If you remember this in the morning, I’d be impressed,” Yixing says, giving him a pitying look. “At least tomorrow is Saturday.”

“Small blessings,” Baekhyun agrees, yawning. “Kyungsoo-ssi, never get a job.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” Kyungsoo replies with an amused quirk of his lips.

He's cute, Baekhyun drunkenly thinks.

~

The printer has stopped working. Baekhyun is too lazy to lift his head from off the control panel to see if anyone is near enough to help him.

“The printer has stopped working,” he tries, but no one hears him and he gives up after a few minutes. Someone will get the copies done. It just won’t be him.

“Everything okay?” his coworker Minseok asks as Baekhyun shuffles lifelessly to his desk and struggles to remember how to sit down. He’s running on the half an hour of sleep he managed to catch and the coffee (“One scoop of sugar and a little milk, right?”) Kyungsoo handed him before he trudged to his bus stop.

“The printer stopped working,” Baekhyun breathes out, catching a glimpse of his reflection on his sleeping monitor. He’s clean, but the dark circles under his eyes are rather unflattering. He’ll stop by the drugstore for some concealer on his way home.

“Oh yeah,” Minseok says grimacing. “I called IT and they said it’s fried. We have to wait three days before we can get it replaced.”

“Fantastic,” Baekhyun replies absentmindedly, wondering when his cubicle started shrinking. He’s worked here for what? Two years? For some reason, the damn gray cube doesn’t look as big as when he first started. “Have they started shrinking our cubicles?”

Minseok must’ve been in the middle of saying something to him because his half-opened mouth closes and it gets a little quieter in their small area. 

“What?”

“My cubicle,” Baekhyun says, still staring at it. “It looks smaller.”

“Looks like someone needs a vacation,” Minseok says pityingly and Baekhyun just shrugs, gripping his thermos a little tighter.

Later that night, he comes home with his concealer in a small plastic bag and a few boxes of Pepero, handing the bag over to Kyungsoo who’s closest to him.

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says, smiling as he opens the strawberry ones. Baekhyun waves off his thanks and twists the concealer in his hands, staring at the small bottle. “What’s that?”

“Something to make me pretty,” Baekhyun answers with a lopsided grin.

“Can I see?” Kyungsoo asks. His eyes are wide and curious. Whatever shyness he had when he first came has been forgotten as he tugs Baekhyun’s pant leg from where’s he’s sitting in front of the TV.

Baekhyun hands him the concealer wordlessly and feels like he has to leave.

“Gonna shower,” he says and he leaves Kyungsoo with his makeup.

When he comes back out, Kyungsoo and Yixing are both munching on the Pepero sticks and Yixing has their shared makeup box pulled out, holding different shades up to Kyungsoo’s face.

“What are you guys doing?” Baekhyun asks as he plops down next to Yixing.

“Kyungsoo’s never had his makeup done, but I’m not as good as you are at it.” Yixing turns to Baekhyun with a mischievous smile as Kyungsoo bites his lips behind the elder, looking apprehensive. “Can you try doing something?”

Baekhyun makes eye contact with Kyungsoo who just stares back. He seems uneasy, but there’s no outright refusal yet.

“How far am I allowed to go?”

When Kyungsoo shrugs his shoulders helplessly, Yixing swoops in and pulls Baekhyun closer. 

“Just let us know if anything makes you uncomfortable and we’ll stop,” Yixing says with his signature dimpled smile and Kyungsoo nods.

Baekhyun is in the middle of tracing out Kyungsoo’s eye shape with black eyeshadow when Kyungsoo gets used to the back and forth of the brush. His eyes still flutter every time the bristles touch his lids, but he’s relatively still, making it easier for Baekhyun.

It’d be nice, Baekhyun thinks, to stay like this. With Yixing quietly watching TV and making occasional encouraging comments. With Baekhyun able to concentrate on something that doesn’t make him so miserable he becomes indifferent. With Kyungsoo and his trembling eyes and soft lips and cute nose.

“You’re cute,” Baekhyun finally whispers out loud.

~

Baekhyun goes through waves. Sometimes he’s so tired he just wants to sleep all day, but other times he’s so anxious he can barely keep himself still. Worse are the days he can muster just enough energy to go through his day, but he feels like an automated machine.

But Kyungsoo helps. Kyungsoo, who no longer sleeps on the couch, but next to Baekhyun. Who kisses Baekhyun back just as hard as Baekhyun kisses him. Who likes Baekhyun more than Baekhyun could ever like himself.

The two of them keep it confined to Baekhyun’s bedroom because neither want Yixing to feel out of place in his own home. Yixing thinks it’s funny that they try so hard, but he appreciates it nonetheless.

“Take some melatonin before you go to sleep,” Kyungsoo urges one night, sitting on the edge of Baekhyun’s bed. “I can tell when you haven’t been sleeping.”

Baekhyun smiles a little and presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s forehead. “Okay.” He hooks his fingers on the elastic band of Kyungsoo’s boxers. “Let me suck you off first.”

Kyungsoo ends up coming down his throat with his fingers threaded through Baekhyun’s hair and his legs quivering on his shoulders.

“My turn,” Kyungsoo says in a hoarse voice and who is Baekhyun to say no?

Later as Baekhyun curls into Kyungsoo’s arms, he feels a little lighter. Maybe this is what he needed. Someone to hold him, someone to love him.

“I love you,” Baekhyun murmurs when he thinks Kyungsoo is sleeping.

(He isn’t.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhh, hello hello and thank you for getting this far


	2. 2019

The room is filled with soft chatter and a generally nice ambience that has Baekhyun drinking an extra glass of champagne as he watches Yixing greet everyone. Moving back to Korea must be odd, but Yixing seems plenty happy as he hugs his guests. It’s a nice housewarming party.

Baekhyun thinks he’s a bit overdressed in his work suit, but he remembered to yank off his tie and undo a few of the top buttons of his dress shirt. So now he looks like a sleazy playboy instead of a respectable businessman. His gelled back hair isn’t helping his case either, but it’s much more comfortable and he knows nearly everyone here.

“I heard Kyungsoo is going to be here,” Song Qian tells him when he goes to pour his third glass.

“Ah,” Baekhyun says eloquently, gripping his glass a little too tight.

He needs to leave. Now.

And he would, but Kyungsoo has really terrible timing and comes walking in not a moment after Song Qian informs him of his ex’s arrival.

“You’re here,” Yixing cheers, voice rising above the rest of the group of people. It’s not a very small group either, nearly twenty people in his apartment. 

“Hi, hyung,” Kyungsoo says with a bright smile on his face.

Baekhyun feels his heart clench, not sure if it’s in guilt or want. Probably both. 

“Speak of the devil,” Song Qian says from somewhere to the left of him, but Baekhyun is no longer paying attention as he searches for a way out of the apartment without catching Kyungsoo’s notice. He feels twenty-two all over again minus all the sadness and exhaustion.

“Thanks for the tip,” Baekhyun says, smiling at Song Qian while keeping an eye on Kyungsoo who’s currently saying hello to Jongdae across the room. “I think it’s time for me to take my leave.”

“Baekhyun, maybe you shouldn’t avoid him like this,” Song Qian says, but Baekhyun has tuned her out again.

He creeps around the edge of the room, trying not to be too obvious as he chats with a few people who are near him. But the next time he looks up to see where Kyungsoo is, the other is looking straight back at him, expression open but blank.

Baekhyun turns away first, wishing he drank a little more. Everything is still too sharp, too focused. He wants to leave again, but that’d just be in bad taste.

The next time he looks back, Kyungsoo is still talking to Jongdae, but he’s no longer smiling, not even as Yixing and Jongdae laugh at something they’re talking about.

I did that, Baekhyun thinks. And, god, he debates leaving again.

Instead, he goes against his own wishes and walks up to the three of them.

“Baekhyun,” Yixing says a little louder than he needs to. Kyungsoo jolts and turns so that he’s facing Baekhyun. “How’s the champagne?”

“Gone,” Baekhyun replies, holding up his empty glass disapprovingly. Kyungsoo watches him with careful eyes and a controlled expression, still unsmiling. 

“Long time no see,” Baekhyun finally says to Kyungsoo and Jongdae is looking between the two of them, not quite sure what’s happening.

“You look good,” Kyungsoo returns. His voice is still honeylike, sticking to Baekhyun and slowly dripping it’s way down until he feels that kernel of guilt grow a little more. Baekhyun wasn’t smiling before and he definitely isn’t smiling now. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, lets a warm shadow of a smile flicker across his face before it’s disappears. He’s seems troubled as he continues to watch Baekhyun.

It’s because Baekhyun isn’t smiling. Smile.

“You’re one to talk,” Baekhyun gets out with a forced grin. “Have you been working out?”

“Only when I’m forced to,” Kyungsoo replies, easing up when he sees Baekhyun’s smile. The smile reappears, a little less vulnerable, but there nonetheless.

Baekhyun ends up talking to Kyungsoo the rest of the night, only stopping when they’re one of the only ones left in Yixing’s apartment.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says when he notices the time. “We’ll get going now, hyung.”

Yixing laughs and gives them a wave as the two of them leave together.

“How did you get here?” Baekhyun asks as they get into the elevator together.

“Bus,” Kyungsoo answers. “I wanted to be able to drink.”

Baekhyun checks his watch. He’s had two glasses of champagne and a lot of Yixing’s finger food, but it’s been nearly three hours since the champagne. Kyungsoo has definitely been drinking more. His cheeks are rosy and he brushes closer to Baekhyun every passing minute.

“I can drive you home, if you want.” 

Kyungsoo smiles at Baekhyun and shakes his head.

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“You don’t have to do that,” Baekhyun mimics, thinking of the first time they met. “I want to.”

“If you want to,” Kyungsoo murmurs, letting his temple press against the metal elevator wall, “then, I suppose you have to.”

Baekhyun tries not to smile too fondly as Kyungsoo smiles back at him.

When he drops Kyungsoo off, he’s surprised to see how close they live from each other. Very surprised.

“I’m down the street,” Baekhyun says, pointing to the apartment complex. “How come I never ran into you?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo replies in a similar state of disbelief.

“Amazing,” Baekhyun says, noticing how close their hands are. If he stuck his pinky out a little more, they’d be touching. He really wants to touch Kyungsoo.

“Thanks for the ride,” Kyungsoo says, pulling Baekhyun out of his reverie.

“Of course” is what Baekhyun means to say, but what comes out instead is “I’m sorry”.

Kyungsoo freezes, leaving the passenger’s door half open. 

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says slowly. His hand closes the distance and he squeezes Baekhyun’s hand comfortingly. “I’m glad you’re better.”

“I hurt you,” Baekhyun responds, searching Kyungsoo’s eyes for something other than kindness. Anger, hurt, disappointment. He deserves it.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo confirms with a small frown, but he’s still looking at him warmly. “But you did what you knew was best.”

Baekhyun’s throat closes up and he holds Kyungsoo’s hand a little tighter. After a moment, Kyungsoo lets go and gets out of the car and Baekhyun narrows his eyes at the hand that was just holding Kyungsoo’s trying not to cry. A knock on his window has him jerking up and, oh, Kyungsoo is still here. He’s opening the door. He’s tugging Baekhyun out of the car. He’s hugging him. 

Baekhyun is crying.

“I forgive you,” Kyungsoo murmurs as Baekhyun cries into his shoulder.

~

Baekhyun tells the story of their breakup like this: Baekhyun was a horrible person who broke Kyungsoo’s heart because he couldn’t get his shit together. Baekhyun eventually got his shit together. Baekhyun deserves all the hate in the world for what he did to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo tells the story of their breakup like this: Baekhyun was an overworked person who decided he would fix himself and in that process he had to break up with Kyungsoo so he could focus on himself. _Which is fine._ Kyungsoo is glad Baekhyun came out from it all the better. (He just wishes it wasn’t radio silence after they broke up and sometimes, when he lets his mind stray, he thinks that Baekhyun just didn’t like him.)

(Baekhyun vehemently denies this.)

Yixing tells the story of their breakup like this: Baekhyun was in a tenuous place emotionally long before Kyungsoo came into the picture and his relationship with Kyungsoo made him realize this. Therefore, Baekhyun (not as dead inside as he likes to say) decided to take a hiatus from work and try to get better. This included breaking up with Kyungsoo because he thinks Kyungsoo is too good for him. (Note: Anyone more emotionally stable than Baekhyun at this point was considered a god and not only was Kyungsoo emotionally stable, but also a very good cook—better than Yixing even—so naturally Baekhyun saw him as a god.) Baekhyun was able to pull himself out of his slump with plenty of support from friends and family, but he still misses Kyungsoo after everything. Also, Kyungsoo is definitely still enamoured with Baekhyun and the two of them are just noble idiots, except emphasis on the idiots because there’s nothing noble about being celibate because you can’t jerk off to anything but each othe-

Baekhyun thinks his story is the most accurate, but everyone else likes Yixing’s version better. Except for Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo hates this story and likes to pretend it didn’t happen when he thinks about the nearly four years the two of them didn’t talk to each other. 

~

Baekhyun finds that he’s still very in love with Kyungsoo. He’s not sure when he realizes this, but every time Kyungsoo smiles, Baekhyun feels his insides twist a little and this is different from the first time. Maybe it’s because he was nearly numb when they met, but everything he feels this time around is fuller and clearer.

“What are you thinking about?” Kyungsoo asks as they sit side by side on Baekhyun’s couch.

“You,” Baekhyun answers honestly and that earns him a raise of Kyungsoo’s eyebrows and a gleam in the younger’s eyes.

“What about me?”

“I-” Baekhyun bites the inside of his cheek. “I still… Forget about it.”

Kyungsoo stares at him curiously, before nudging Baekhyun with his elbow.

“What? What were you going to say?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun mutters. He’s getting ahead of himself.

“Tell me,” Kyungsoo says, elbow digging more purposefully into Baekhyun’s side.

“Ow,” Baekhyun whines, hooking his arm in Kyungsoo’s to stop the other from elbowing him again. “There’s nothing to tell.”

Kyungsoo pouts, which is very cute. Too cute. Baekhyun looks away.

“Please tell me?” Kyungsoo tries, using their hooked arms to pull Baekhyun closer so that he can rest his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to,” Baekhyun replies, trying not to laugh when Kyungsoo presses a kiss to his temple. “That tickles.”

He can feel Kyungsoo smile against him and then press another kiss to his cheek.

“If this is what you’re like when I keep secrets I think I’ll keep a few more,” Baekhyun says.

“I want to know what you were thinking about me,” Kyungsoo says, before dropping a kiss under his jaw. 

“Good things,” Baekhyun says as Kyungsoo lets his lips linger over the pulse point on his neck. “I swear.”

“Tell me,” Kyungsoo says again. He’s definitely enjoying this, making Baekhyun squirm.

“I still,” Baekhyun hesitates, turning to look at Kyungsoo whose eyes are shining triumphantly like he’s just won something, “love you.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. Baekhyun can’t tell what his eyes are doing now, but they make his stomach swoop. “I thought it was something I didn’t know.”

Baekhyun stares at Kyungsoo with a half open mouth. “Excuse me? This is how my confession of love is received?”

“You didn’t even say it to me properly the first time,” Kyungsoo responds. They’re glimmering, that’s what his eyes are doing. Like the nonexistent stars in the Seoul sky. 

“The first time?” Baekhyun feels a bit trapped as Kyungsoo swings one leg over his own, pinning Baekhyun against the couch.

“When you thought I was sleeping,” Kyungsoo replies, both hands coming up to hold Baekhyun’s face. “You told me you loved me.”

“That was cowardly of me,” Baekhyun responds as Kyungsoo runs a thumb across Baekhyun’s bottom lip.

“It was,” Kyungsoo agrees in a pleased voice as Baekhyun’s eyes flutter closed then open. He looks like he wants to say something else, but Baekhyun musters up the most pitiful expression he can and Kyungsoo gives in. 

Kissing feels better too, Baekhyun thinks, pressing himself up so that he can meet Kyungsoo halfway. He almost feels like he might float away if Kyungsoo weren’t there to ground him.

“I still love you too,” Kyungsoo confesses later that day and Baekhyun might cry into Kyungsoo’s shoulder again, but no one needs to know that.

There are certain years he wants to forget, certain days he lets go of, but to be able to love like this makes those memories better. This is better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~and i return to my cave~


End file.
